さて、昨年１２月２日(日)の、江藤新平研究の第一人者である
毛利敏彦先生の勉強会のご報告です。
大阪経済法科大学の教授でもある毛利先生、持参頂けたのは、
「近代日本化の秘密」という冊子でした。
副題に江藤新平の歴史的決断とあります。
明治４年７月１４日、文部省(当時は文部太府)発足。
明治新政府は国学者が目立ったため、内部では主導権をめぐり対決していた。
江藤は文部省のトップへと名乗り出て、国学・漢学・洋学という
国別に分けるのではなく、学問の内容(数学・物理、、等々)で
分けると提唱。「西洋の丸写しにて施行」する態勢を打ち立てた。
このようにして江藤は、近代日本学校教育体制の基本ルールを敷いた。
文部省の使命として、国家は国民の教育に責任を負うという国家主導近代
日本教育を提唱。当時の激しい事態に適切であった。
それは、江藤が佐賀藩出身であったから、、
大砲を作るなど西洋に負けじと、佐賀藩は当時の日本では先端を切っていた。
馬関戦争の時、長州が使った鉄大砲は、佐賀藩の物ではないか?
幕府は江戸のお台場に佐賀藩から大砲５０台をだしてもらっていた。
そのため、幕府は佐賀藩に頭が上がらなかった。
鍋島閑叟の葬儀の時、葬儀委員長は誰だったのか明記されていないが
江藤であったと思われる。
江藤は女性解放し洋服を着用、、、など、走り書きを残している。
それらの江藤家資料としてはマイクロフィルムに入れられ佐賀県立
図書館にあります。
内容がちょっとちぐはぐになりましたが、雑談を交えて江藤の逸話を
聞くことができました。また、先生のお話が聞けたらと思います。
近々、新刊もお出しになるようです。
bjhaychlytufyurrozod, oxxqufxoef
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there’s no risk of accident for someone who’s dead.
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
There’s no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
I don’t care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
I’ve had a wonderful time, but this wasn’t it.
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air however slight lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, ‘Where have I gone wrong?’ Then a voice says to me, ‘This is going to take more than one night.’
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
It’s dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that’s successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
I criticize by creation – not by finding fault.
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don’t need.
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
Lohr’s Law: The future is merely the past with a twist and better tools.
Copy from one, it’s plagiarism; copy from two, it’s research.
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain – and most fools do.
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI !
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI !
Lohr’s Law: The future is merely the past with a twist and better tools.
When you’ve seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there’s no law against whacking them around a bit.
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there’s no law against whacking them around a bit.
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
The covers of this book are too far apart.
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
A man’s only as old as the woman he feels.
I don’t approve of political jokes… I’ve seen too many of them get elected.
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
Honolulu, it’s got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife’s mother.
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
We’re going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can’t get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
Heav’n hath no rage like love to hatred turn’d, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn’d.
Love is the answer – but while you’re waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
I’m not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
You’ll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
I’ve always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can’t get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
We are not retreating – we are advancing in another Direction.
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren’t, then I’d be a teacher.
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
O’Toole’s Corollary of Finagle’s Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
Finagle’s Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will — at the worst possible moment.
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don’t have it.
If you can count your money, you don’t have a billion dollars.
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
It’s not that I’m afraid to die, I just don’t want to be there when it happens.
If everything seems under control, you’re just not going fast enough.
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you’ve got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn’t your biggest problem.
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you’ve got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn’t your biggest problem.
I don’t know why we are here, but I’m pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I’ve never tried before.
Heav’n hath no rage like love to hatred turn’d, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn’d.
Devlin’s First Law – Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin’s Second Law – So can PowerPoint.
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it’s fantastic.
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
If it weren’t for electricity we’d all be watching television by candlelight.
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn’t.
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
And God said, ‘Let there be light’ and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
Where humor is concerned there are no standards – no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
Sex is like air. It’s only a big deal if you can’t get any.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
The nice thing about egotists is that they don’t talk about other people.
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, ‘Where have I gone wrong?’ Then a voice says to me, ‘This is going to take more than one night.’
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that’s ok because you’ll be a mile away from him and you’ll have his shoes.
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
Those are my principles. If you don’t like them I have others.
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven’t said enough.
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I’ll never know.
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
The covers of this book are too far apart.
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn’t have an air force.
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other’s children.
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
… one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
A man can’t be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
A man can’t get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
The company doesn’t tell me what to say, and I don’t tell themwhere to stick it.
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don’t need to be done.
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
I hope life isn’t a big joke … because I don’t get it.
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain – and most fools do.
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
Attention to health is life’s greatest hindrance.
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
It was the experience of mystery — even if mixed with fear — that engendered religion.
We’re going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure — that is all that agnosticism means.
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other’s children.
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather… not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car…
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they’re yours.
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
Military glory — that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood — that serpent’s eye, that charms to destroy…
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I’ve only ever had one.
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I’ve only ever had one.
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
Research is what I’m doing when I don’t know what I’m doing.
Research is what I’m doing when I don’t know what I’m doing.
I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT’S relativity.
I am not young enough to know everything.
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 today and we don’t know where she is!
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, ‘Why god? Why me?’ and the thundering voice of God answered, ‘There’s just something about you that pisses me off.’
Don’t sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT’S relativity.
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
You got to be careful if you don’t know where you’re going, because you might not get there.
Those are my principles. If you don’t like them I have others.
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we’d have a much easier time raising money.
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
Anyone who starts a sentence, ‘With all due respect …’ is about to insult you.
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.
Copy from one, it’s plagiarism; copy from two, it’s research.
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
Love is the answer – but while you’re waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you’ve got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn’t your biggest problem.
I hope life isn’t a big joke … because I don’t get it.
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear – kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor – with the cry of grave national emergency.
I’m not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It’s just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren’t, then I’d be a teacher.
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
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Yes, I’m fat, but you’re ugly and I can go on a diet.
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions – it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
As the post said, ‘Only God can make a tree,’ probably because it’s so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
I have an existential map; it has ‘you are here’ written all over it.
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
I’m always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can’t understand is, if they don’t know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I’ve only ever had one.
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
Humor is a rubber sword – it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
Humor is a rubber sword – it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
It’s strange, isn’t it. You stand in the middle of a library and go ‘aaaaagghhhh’ and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
I’m not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don’t think.
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
I’m trying to see things from your point of view but I can’t get my head that far up my ass.
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don’t think.
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It’s not a truck. It’s a series of tubes!
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that’s how dogs spend their lives.
I’m not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don’t need to be done.
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
I don’t approve of political jokes… I’ve seen too many of them get elected.
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
Lohr’s Law: The future is merely the past with a twist and better tools.
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I’ve only ever had one.
The dangerous patriot … is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it’s because they’re such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
Finagle’s Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will — at the worst possible moment.
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
Humor is a rubber sword – it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
Humor is a rubber sword – it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
So I rang up a local building firm, I said ‘I want a skip outside my house.’ He said ‘I’m not stopping you.’
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The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he’d lie just to keep his hand in.
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we’d have a much easier time raising money.
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
Either he’s dead or my watch has stopped.
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
A good sermon should be like a woman’s skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we’d have a much easier time raising money.
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
Copy from one, it’s plagiarism; copy from two, it’s research.
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said ‘You’ve been promoted’. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said ‘You’ve been promoted again’. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said ‘You’re managing director.’ And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said ‘What happened to you?’ And I Said ‘I careered off the road.’
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 today and we don’t know where she is!
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I’ve never tried before.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
Hofstadter’s Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter’s Law.
Hofstadter’s Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter’s Law.
If you haven’t got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
Don’t sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
If it wasn’t for lawyers, we wouldn’t need them.
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
If a man does his best, what else is there?
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
I’m always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can’t understand is, if they don’t know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you’re pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
My last cow just died, so I won’t need your bull anymore.
Don’t let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
I’m living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
If all the world’s managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you’ll be happy; if not, you’ll become a philosopher.
It’s dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that’s successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
I’d stop eating chocolate, but I’m no quitter.
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you’ve got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn’t your biggest problem.
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather… not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car…
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It’s about Russia.
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
Sex is like air. It’s only a big deal if you can’t get any.
The chain reaction of evil — wars producing more wars — must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
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First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
I’m living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
We don’t like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
Yes, I’m fat, but you’re ugly and I can go on a diet.
Yes, I’m fat, but you’re ugly and I can go on a diet.
Yes, I’m fat, but you’re ugly and I can go on a diet.
Oh for pity’s sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don’t have it.
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
Sex is like air. It’s only a big deal if you can’t get any.
Sex is like air. It’s only a big deal if you can’t get any.
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once…
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there’s no risk of accident for someone who’s dead.
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
I’m Jewish. I don’t work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
Where humor is concerned there are no standards – no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
I’m always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can’t understand is, if they don’t know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn’t.
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It’s the transition that’s troublesome.
If you can count your money, you don’t have a billion dollars.
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
My last cow just died, so I won’t need your bull anymore.
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
I’d stop eating chocolate, but I’m no quitter.
Gigerenzer’s Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said ‘no’.
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
Machine. Unexpectedly, I’d invented a time
It’s impossible to experience one’s death objectively and still carry a tune.
It’s impossible to experience one’s death objectively and still carry a tune.
I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn’t take it out of my garden.
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There’s also a negative side
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I’ve never tried before.
But at my back I always hear Time’s winged chariot hurrying near.
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
The trouble with the Internet is that it’s replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I’ve never tried before.
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
We don’t make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
In America, anybody can be president. That’s one of the risks you take.
In America, anybody can be president. That’s one of the risks you take.
I don’t even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
I’m fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
Jesus may love you, but I think you’re garbage wrapped in skin.
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn’t understand me.
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
We don’t like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
Diplomacy is the art of saying ‘Nice doggie!’… ‘til you can find a rock.
If you’re sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it’s the exact opposite.
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don’t seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn’t go away.
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
Don’t stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.
I Can’t Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don’t Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
There is only one nature – the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
When you’ve seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
It’s impossible to experience one’s death objectively and still carry a tune.
Sterling’s Corollary to Clarke’s Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can’t get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one’s work is terribly important.
Research is what I’m doing when I don’t know what I’m doing.
And God said, ‘Let there be light’ and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
It’s clearly a budget. It’s got a lot of numbers in it.
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It’s about Russia.
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
The dangerous patriot … is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
The dangerous patriot … is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
I don’t even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
Computer dating is fine, if you’re a computer.
I’m all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let’s start with typewriters.
I’m all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let’s start with typewriters.
Don’t let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: ‘His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: ‘Can I help, sir?’ ‘No thanks,’ says the blind bloke. ‘Just looking.’
If you haven’t got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
It’s not that I’m afraid to die, I just don’t want to be there when it happens.
Build a man a fire, and he’ll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.
If a man does his best, what else is there?
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it’s more likely to be female.
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
If it wasn’t for C, we’d be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
It’s the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can’t get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
I’d give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I’ve only ever had one.
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a ‘C’, the idea must be feasible.
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they’re eating sandwiches.
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI
I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It’s not a truck. It’s a series of tubes!
Anyone who starts a sentence, ‘With all due respect …’ is about to insult you.
If you can count your money, you don’t have a billion dollars.
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
Don’t sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
Computer dating is fine, if you’re a computer.
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you’re pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
One doesn’t have a sense of humor. It has you.
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
Why don’t they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy — the mother.
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
If it weren’t for electricity we’d all be watching television by candlelight.
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don’t think.
I’ve had a wonderful time, but this wasn’t it.
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
Where humor is concerned there are no standards – no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
Where humor is concerned there are no standards – no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
If you think it’s simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it’s because they’re such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
Hearing nuns’ confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
Minsky’s Second Law: Don’t just do something. Stand there.
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn’t over until everyone gets their cookies.
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
It’s the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
I’m not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It’s just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
Attention to health is life’s greatest hindrance.
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can’t remember what they are.
I don’t even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
Ever notice when you blow in a dog’s face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
Louis Pasteur’s theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
I don’t know why we are here, but I’m pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
Throughout American history, the government has said we’re in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It’s a hoax.
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn’t.
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
It’s the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, ‘Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don’t believe?
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don’t need to be done.
It’s clearly a budget. It’s got a lot of numbers in it.
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
Humor is a rubber sword – it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn’t get bigger or heavier.
I’m Jewish. I don’t work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions – it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
Where humor is concerned there are no standards – no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he’ll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
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Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they’re eating sandwiches.
It’s clearly a budget. It’s got a lot of numbers in it.
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
If women didn’t exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
It’s clearly a budget. It’s got a lot of numbers in it.
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they’re going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book – I’ll waste no time reading it.
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: ‘His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
Don’t sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
In this war as in others I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn’t go away.
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
I don’t even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
Whether you think that you can, or that you can’t, you are usually right.
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
Where humor is concerned there are no standards – no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.
In America, anybody can be president. That’s one of the risks you take.
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood… War is hell.
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
Emulate your heros, but don’t carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they’re yours.
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
Everybody’s worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there’s a really easy way: stop participating in it.
Everybody’s worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there’s a really easy way: stop participating in it.
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
In related news, Tiger Woods will play at The Masters. Every time he tees off the gallery will shout out an update on that traditional golf warning: “Whore”
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Maybe someone can clarify something for me. I’m just not getting it!
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